


If I were an integral, I'd fill you up.

by Lilly0



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Eventual Romance, Humor, M/M, Math and Science Metaphors, Pick-Up Lines, Romance, Romantic Comedy, Science Pick-Up Lines, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 11:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11035569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lilly0/pseuds/Lilly0
Summary: Sho is a lecturer at university, teaching maths. On a night out Jun meets him, and Sho immediately likes him. Sho seems like the perfect guy - smart, intelligent, attentive - unfortunately he uses the worst pick-up lines ever!





	If I were an integral, I'd fill you up.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for cielmelodies  for the Wish Meme challenge. I had a little too much fun with this and Sho's lame pick-up lines :D

 

 

Jun regrets taking maths this term, he sincerely does. Daily. Ever sincehe knows that Sakurai Sho-san holds this class. _His_ Sho-san to be specific. Or maybe not his… something like his… his-ish. To be honest he has no idea what Sho is to him, it’s difficult to put it into words. 

It’s been three weeks ago when Jun went to a bar to have a drink, alone this time, just to enjoy the last free day before college would start again, it means he would soon be in his last year, and busy like hell. A good-looking guy approached him, and Jun instantly liked what he saw. He liked the guy’s round face, how his eyes were rather close to each other, giving him a stern and serious, but also warm look, his chubby cheeks, and his pouty lips. Attraction at first sight at least. It also happened to be that this guy – going by Sakurai Sho – was also very fun, nice, eloquent and smart. Jun had always felt drawn to intelligence. He realized that this was probably _him_ , the one! It was one of the best evenings he has ever had, and one of the most interesting persons he ever met.

That was until Sho spilled the words _How can I know so many hundreds of digits of pi and not the 7 digits of your phone number?_

It took Jun to realize that he actually meant to hit on him. Okay, a bad pick-up line, one slip, that’s okay. He gave Sho his number, because why not? Until Sho came up with an equally awful line _By looking at you I can tell you're 36-25-36, which by the way are all perfect squares._

__

What the hell? Was he fucking serious? 

He was. 

Three weeks later Jun knows that Sho is everything but good at making compliments. Every time he thinks, now, finally, he can get closer to Sho and go out with him, kiss him, go to bed with him, he says something like  _ Are you a 30 degree angle? Because you're acute-y _ .   
  


~~~

Jun is seriously worried for Nino’s health because he has laughed one hour straight. “Acute-y?” he breathes out, sounding desperate. “Shit, J, this dude can’t be real!”

“He is also very attentive though, and normally very smart,” Jun points out with a blush, when he goes through his homework and finds a secret note there. _1/3 >((-1^1/5)/27U)^1/2 Simply this to know how I feel about you. i>3U_“Like this one… that’s actually cute and creative…” 

Nino snorts. “It’s creative in comparison to his dirty pick-up lines he normally uses,” Nino says with a grin. He dries his teary eyes with a napkin, obviously trying to calm down again. “On the up side…” he says with a thoughtful expression.

“What’s on the upside?” Jun wants to know.

“He likes you, obviously,” Nino smiles. “He sucks at picking you up and asking you out, but he likes you.”

“He just needs to ask,” Jun mumbles. “No pick-up lines needed.”

~~~

Sho basically storms into Ohno’s offices, waving dramatically with his arm. “Ohno-kun,” he blurts out. “I like you, you are a sweet person, and I find you very attractive and interesting. Will you go out with me?”

Ohno drops his chopsticks and his bento box and stares at him in horror, before he eyes his assistant Aiba helplessly. “Sho-san,” he stutters. “I mean, I feel flattered, but-“

“WHY!?” Sho blurts out. “It’s so easy! It’s just a few words. And I can easily tell it to you, why can’t I say it to Jun-san. To someone who actually matters!”

Ohno pouts. “I matter too,” he complains.

Sho ignores him.

“Your bar encounter who is also in your class?” Aiba asks with sympathy. “Messed up again?”

“I just want to ask him out,” Sho whines. “When I’m writing him on Line, it’s alright. I’m more, you know, cool, and I kinda seem like a responsible serious person then, but when I see him in person…”

“Why don’t you ask him via Line?” Ohno asks curiously. 

“No, I need to do it in person,” Sho grumps and drops down on the sofa. “How pathetic would it be not to ask him out directly? I mean, I need to be able to do it…”

“What did you say?” Ohno dares to ask.

Sho covers his eyes. “ _ I don't know if you're in my range, but I'd sure like to take you back to my domain _ .”

Aiba laughs. 

“He has to think I’m making jokes and messing around with him,” Shon complains. “Why can’t I just ask. I’m probably ill or something.”

“You are not ill,” Ohno points out while shuffling to the little kitchen corner and starting to boil water for their tea. “You are just nervous.”

“He is cute and funny, and nice to talk to. I didn’t feel that way since I was in High School and dating Okada-kun”

“Did you also throw mathematical pick-up lines at him?” Aiba wants to know.

“Back then I was more into astronomy,” Sho answers weakly. 

Ohno sighs. “I can only imagine…”

“How did you manage to be with this Okada then?” Aiba wants to know.

“He was the one who made most of our first steps,” Sho admits. “And I didn’t need to ask him out often, and once we settled for a routine, the nervousness passed. But with Jun-san… it’s a lot worse than with Okada.”

“Then how about you try to meet Jun-“ Aiba winks. “Coincidentally. Talk to him, get to know him, so that you won’t feel like freaking out, and then ask him out and it will only be semi-awkward then.”

“Not a bad idea,” Ohno agrees. 

Sho sighs. “You think so?” When he thinks about Jun and his sweet smile and how he laughs when he meets his friends, how he is so serious about his work… okay, it might be worth it to go the longer more complicated way.

~~~

Sho meets Jun in one of the empty seminar rooms at campus. The other students went home long ago it seems. “You are still here?” he asks curiously. “Jun-san?”

“Sakurai-sensei?” Jun looks up, looking almost a bit nervous. 

“I told you to call me by my first name,” Sho smiles. “After all we already know each other a bit.”

“A bit,” Jun admits. 

“ Since distance equals velocity times time, let's let velocity and time approach infinity, because I want to go all the way with you,” Sho blurts out, wondering the nth time where the hell he even gets these horrible lines from. When Jun just stares at him, he coughs violently. “What I want to say is: How about I fetch you some coffee, and we can talk?” 

Jun stares at him for a long while, eyes wide, and a slight blush on his cheeks. “Why?” he finally asks. “Why do you care so much for me? I’m just a stranger after all.”

“Meeting you is like making a switch to polar coordinates: complex and imaginary things are given a magnitude and a direction,” Sho says earnestly. “I know it sounds cheesy and pathetic, but that’s how it feels to me. You really must be the square root of two because I feel irrational around you. I know we don’t know each other much yet, but somehow you make my word more colourful.”

He is sure Jun will get up and stomp out of the room in annoyance, but to his surprise Jun blushes slightly. “I…” he pauses. “I like this coffee shop near campus. It’s small, and not so crowded. More private, and they have the best smoothies and coffees there.”

“Then let’s go,” Sho says happily, relief filling his heart. 

~~~

It happens that the café Jun leads him to is an American style one with cheesecakes and cupcakes and lots of other delicious and probably pretty calorie-heavy stuff. Sho doesn’t care though and orders a bunch of things for the both of them. 

“So, you like photography, Jun-san?” he asks after they talked about their hobbies. “And cooking?”

“Yes,” Jun nods, looking happy about Sho showing interest in things he likes. Cute. “I’m not that good though.”

“I doubt that,” Sho chuckles. “I bet you are a great cook.”

Jun blushes. “I could cook for you once, if you want to,” he offers.

It comes too much out of the blue for Sho to hold back his cheesy line.“Ah~ Dear, you're sweeter than pi.” Oh, shit, did he just say something like that again? 

“You don’t mean apple pie I assume,” Jun asks, raising his eyebrows.

“Would that be better?” Sho wants to know shyly

“No,” Jun states, but to Sho’s surprise he smiles. “It’s better than most of your other pick-up lines though.”

Sho’s throat feels dry. “So you think I was trying to pick you up?”

Jun bites down on his lips, like it’s actually him who slipped. “You weren’t?”

“I was,” Sho stutters. “I mean, I still am.”

Jun chews on his lips for a while, before he nods. “Okay,” he says, and takes a bite from his caramel cheesecake. 

Okay… okay… Well, okay is better than no, Sho assumes? 

“What are you currently researching on?” Jun finally asks, his voice hoarse. 

Sho’s eyes widen in surprise, well, he can answer that. In fact it’s his favourite topic in the world (aside of Jun). “The number 0,” he says with a bright smile, and starts a half an hour ramble about his research and what he is doing exactly, and how the number 0 is so fascinating. To his horror he only realises how long he talked when the waiter approaches them to ask if they need anything, and Jun orders tea. 

“I’m sorry,” Sho says miserably. “ I talked too much, didn’t I?”

Jun smiles genuinely, and shakes his head. “No, it was very interesting, Sakurai-san. I-“

“Sho, please call me Sho.”

Jun takes a shaky breath. “But you are my professor…”

“Lecturer,” Sho points out. “I’m not your professor yet.”

“You know what I mean,” Jun pushes.

“How about you call me Sho when we are alone and by my last name when others are around. For now?” Sho says, not ready to give up yet.

Something inside Jun’s eyes flicker, and he gives in with a nod. “Okay, Sho-san… I think your research is very interesting.”

Sho can only stare at Jun’s beautiful lips. “You say that now, Jun-kun, but fact is… You fascinate me more than even the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus, you know?”

Oh my god, he did it again. Jun however giggles and reaches out his hand to cover Sho’s mouth before he can get himself in a bigger mess. Jun smiles against Jun’s palm. And when he is sure no one is watching, he leans forward, kissing Jun softly.

~~~

“You are sporting a happy smile,” Aiba squeals, and sounds happy too. “Good news? Something good happened!”

Sho blushes. “No, nothing.”

Aiba and Ohno exchange a glance. “Really?” Aiba grins sneakily, and robs closer, poking Sho’s sides until he squeals helplessly. 

“Stop tickling me,” he complains breathlessly.

Aiba grins, tackling Sho to the ground. “Only when you tell me what happened,” he says, tickling Sho’s sides again.

Sho squeals. “I kissed Jun-san!”

Aiba lets go of him, eyes wide. “You are kidding?” he whispers.

“Not at all,” Sho blushes. “We went for coffee, and then… well, guess it went well.”

“But I thought he thinks you are lame,” Ohno points out lazily.

Sho blushes. “Lame?”

“You said you were using your weird pick-up lines on him,” Ohno explains.

Sho frowns. “But I didn’t say anything about being lame. I didn’t say lame.” Is he really… “Am I really lame?”

Ohno looks a bit helpless all of a sudden. “Your jokes,” he stutters.

Sho feels like his world is slowly crumbling. “I’m lame,” he whines.

“Not all of you,” Aiba obviously tries to save the situation. “But your jokes are…special. Did you use one of your cheesy lines when you kissed him?”

Sho nods helplessly. “This is bad.”

“Not at all.” 

“But-“

“Who cares,” Aiba interrupts. “Jun kissed you. He probably sees more in you than just the good-looking professor with his awkward pick-up lines.”

“He is right,” Ohno agrees and smiles. “How about we go for a drink to celebrate that you finally managed to ask him out?” 

Sho sighs and nods. Maybe this would be for the best. A drink with his friends, to relax and get over the fact that he apparently is pretty lame. 

They go for a rather private bar which won’t be crowded by students, the more Sho is surprised to a see a well-known figure at the bar counter, talking to the bartender. “Look who we found,” Aiba grins. “Your object of desire.”

Sho blushes. “He is here with a friend. The guy at the bar is Oguri, one of my students. They are friends.”

“Aren’t you going to say hello,” Ohno wants to know.

Sho blushes further. “I don’t want to bother him.” To imagine he would drop one of his totally lame pick-up lines with one of Jun’s friends around. Oh my god, Jun would never let him near him again.

Ohno rolls his eyes. “Way to be dramatic,” he mumbles. 

They order white wine, and Sho tries to focus on their talk, but all he can do is secretly watching Jun. A guy approaches Jun, but to Sho’s happiness and relief Jun seems to shake the guy off. 

“Okay,” Aiba grins. “If you watch him all the time, you could just go to say hello.”

“Yeah,” Ohno agrees. “Or do you want to look like a stalker.”

Oh dear, no! Sho’s eyes widen in horror. Lame and a stalker? No way! He nods. “You are right, I’m being childish, I’ll go and say hello.” 

When he gets up and turns around, Jun however just leaves for the toilet. Sho is about to sit down again and wait for him to come back, when he sees the guy, who was previously hitting on Jun, following him. He looks almost angry. Sho frowns, something in his stomach twisting. He has a bad feeling about this. “I’ll be back in a minute,” he tells his friends, getting up and hurrying after the guy.

The corridor to the toilet is empty, but when Sho opens the door he finds Jun struggling against this disgusting guy who has gripped Jun’s face with one hand, trying to open his mouth. Jun however bites into his thumb, making the guy scream. Before the creep can hit Jun, Sho grabs him by his shirt and pushes him back forcefully, before he punches him so that he drops to the floor. 

“What are you doing?” the guy asks angrily. “We are just having fun?”

“Fun?” Sho hisses, hovering over the guy. “Get the fuck out of here. If I ever see you forcing yourself on my boyfriend again, you might miss a limb or two!”

Apparently he looks pretty intimidating because the guy gets up on his feet and just runs away. “I should go after him,” Sho huffs.

“No,” Jun intervenes, and grabs his arm. Sho turns around, stunned when he sees the look in Jun’s eyes. He looks relieved and nervous, his cheeks flushed. “Boyfriend,” he stutters. “I’m your boyfriend?”

“If you like to, I would be happy,” Sho says nervously. 

Jun smiles, wrapping his arms around Sho’s neck and bending forward to kiss him. He smiles. “I saw you coming to the bar. Glad you decided to say hello in the end.”

“So you were stalking me?” Sho teases.

“Look who is talking,” Jun snorts. 

Sho chuckles and kisses him again. “You know,” he whispers. “Your beauty cannot be spanned by a finite basis of vectors.” He blinks. He did it again… “Too lame?”

“No, that one was actually cute.”

~~~

“You are dating Mr. Your butt reminds me of an ellipse, circling the x-axis?” Nino asks in disbelief. 

Jun hides his face behind his hands. “I know, I know. I don’t know what drove me, he is so…” He pauses. 

“Lame?” Nino helps out.

“He is also very smart, and-“

“Not cool?” Nino interrupts.

“Shut up,” Jun grumbles. “He looks good, he is attentive and passionate, and intelligent. So what if I don’t care that he isn’t cool? His jokes are lame, but he is sweet and caring.” 

Nino smiles a genuine smile. “Now that you said it to me, you could finally admit it to yourself too.”

“I really want him,” Jun says. “I really like him.”

“Great,” Nino chirps. “He is a good guy.”

Jun chuckles, smiling when he remembers how Sho saved him in the bar. He really is a good guy, and aside from his weird pick-up lines, he is actually pretty cool.. sometimes. With his new-found resolve he immediately writes Sho a message to invite him over for dinner. 

“You can cook,” Sho chirps. “That’s great, because I suck so badly at it.”

“Really?” Jun asks in surprise, relieved that there is something Sho isn’t good at (aside from flirting, obviously). They had seafood pasta and self-made ice cream. 

“Say,” Sho says after a while. “Does this mean, the both of us, for real now? Because you didn’t give me an answer in the bar.”

Jun giggles, gets up and walks towards Sho. He sits down on his lap, straddling his hips. “Let me voice it so that you can understand it,” he teases. “I wish I was your calculus homework, because then I'd be hard and you'd be doing me on your desk,”   
  


Sho blushes and laughs at the same time, almost chocking on his laughter. “What?” 

  
Jun grins. “ I'd like you to plug your solution into my equation.”

“Have mercy,” Sho squeals breathlessly. “I’m not that lame!”

“OH, believe me, you won’t ever hear the end of this,” Jun smirks. “Your pick-up lines are the worst, but at the same time they are kinda cute. I like that about you. You would be boring if you were only cool.”

Sho chuckles, wrapping his arms around Jun and getting up together with him. Jun wraps his legs around his hips, when Sho puts him down on top of the table. 

“Tell me one more,” Jun begs innocently. “You are better with them than I am.”

“Sure,” Sho chuckles. “I'm like pi baby, I'm really long and I go on forever.”  
  


  


**Author's Note:**

> I had a little too much fun with this and Sho's lame pick-up lines :D  
> And unfortunately I'm not creative enough to think of these pick-up lines myself. I've taken them from [here ](http://www.jokes4us.com/pickuplines/mathpickuplines.html)and [here](http://www.pickuplinesgalore.com/math.html)


End file.
